On the State of My Soul


My cousin is coming up to see me today in Rochester, Mn. or what I like to call Mayo World. It will be a very long drive for a very short stay and to the best of my knowledge, this is his only reason for heading this way. I figure it is a 6.5 to 7 hr. Drive. There is no logical reason for him to do this. It is true that we have known each other for many decades, but I am four years younger than all the other cousins. At our present age it would mean little, except relationships are formed early and that kind of difference means you are a nuisance and a pest. You are not only to young and stupid to keep up, to increase your sense of inadequacy, older adults are constantly reminding the older kids to include you. This does not improve your standing in the group, only seals your fate as an outsider at best, possible informant, at worse.

I always liked Mike, he was the fun cousin, and on occasion he would actually talk to me as a person. I remember once we talked about antimatter. I am not suggesting there was any real friendship, to the degree I would have even entered his radar screen, it would have been as a UFO (Unwanted Freaking Obstacle). One he wanted to disappear and rightly so. I doubt that in my whole life I did anything that made his life easier. In my own defense, when I helped out during chores, I would like to think I only slightly increased the workload. So you may ask, if all this is true, why in the world would he drive so far to see me. You could say cancer and that would be partly right, but it only addresses the circumstances and not the why.

My son, Will, called to let me know that Mike was worried about my soul. You see the coin of the realm for Mike is not reason, but faith. He would not deny reason and would advise me to follow the doctor’s directions, but that only gets you so far. It deals with the physical, which is concerned with the now, while the spiritual is concerned with forever. This maybe and undoubtedly is, an oversimplification, but  in the final analysis, you are either saved or your not. For Mike, that makes it worth the trip.

It is probably despicable of me to continue to refer to Mike’s  sacrifice and not Ruth’s (his wife), but sometimes the name says it all.  Mike has had many health issues and the courage, faith, and resolve he showed is something we should all aspire to. I am encouraged that they are willing to do this for me and I hope they are comforted by the state of my soul, and what Will would call, ‘being right with Jesus’. I tried to express both the desperation and hope I found in Jesus when I wrote,

“Please, I beg you, Please Pray for me. Being like the coward, my suffering started before the battle has truly been engaged. If possible, I would not even sip from this cup of woe, I would hide from my fate. Fear, not honor holds sway. Stripped of all pride and dignity, I run naked to the feet of the master and plead for mercy I do not deserve. So once again I ask you, Please Pray for me”.

I would add one more line, “and by his sacrifice and through his grace, I am saved.  I very much hope this is not a wasted trip for you two kind and caring people.

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