Listen, I am kneeling. I could be standing and complaining, I know because I have been. I didn’t intend to. It started by explaining my difficulties, it was harmless, informative. The problem was I had changed my focus, it was no longer pointed upward and seeing the good. It was on me. I had started looking at the parts of my life that are painful, arduous and what I can’t do. I wanted so much to get home, but for some reason my posts stopped. My ruminations turned petty, little more than a list of my physical ailments and why I’m not happy. It was all about me and the worse thing I could do for me was to forget about you. When the daily fight eases a bit, when you are home and nothing seems the same. When your mind has time to wander forwards and backwards, past today. When so much of what defined you is gone and you are aware that your future lacks permanence. Now more than ever, your view must be steady. Look consistently outwards toward others and inward for values. Lord, I pray this will be a time of growth and healing. I need it, many need it, our nation needs it. Help me look outwards to try in my way to comfort others. I ask that you help me look inward to you for values. Jesus, help me water the positive so my words and thoughts can both see and reflect your gifts and starve those negative selfish thoughts that frequently occupy my mind. Thank-you for my little church, your church and Pastor Carl who you have given a gift for saying the right words at the right time. Thank-you for the people who go there because they are quick with a comforting hand. It is good to be back, kneeling and giving thanks. I ask this in the name of Jesus.
Most of you who read this know I have spent the last two months at Mayo. I did everything I could to get out of that place. Mayo was incredible, but I wanted to go home and now I am. I came to the realization that since I have been home I talk a lot about my problems. I am always being asked. This focus on my problems has made me feel more helpless and in general made the situation worse. I am happy to be back home, but am also aware that I have lost my place. I have a different role now and this too will change again in time. My job now is to help when and how I can and to work hard to get better. My problems are not unique and neither are the answers. Hopefully these thoughts will make sense to someone. I so much appreciate any thoughts people have. Thank-you