Time Expansion and Self-delusion

Maybe it is because of my age, or perhaps health issues, I suspect it is a combination of both. Often age and health problems are positively correlated, or should I say correlated in a positive way. Anyway, they both increase, and that really isn’t positive. On the other hand, it doesn’t mean you can’t be healthier as you age provided you were unusually sick for being young. We call that a tragedy if you’re prime or younger and natural at my age. To define what are your prime years and what I like to call near prime; can vary greatly depending on a variety of factors. I strongly believe ‘near prime’ should become a common term everyone misuses. I will not examine those factors, nor question any of my contemporaries that think they fall into this near prime category. I am a big-time believer in self-delusion. For whatever reason I have been thinking about things that expand time. I have come up with five; boredom, fear, pain, making love (at least for the man) and competition. It occurs to me three of these tend to become more prevalent as we age and two on average decrease. One caveat to this rule is drugs. They can help decrease to some extent the three that increase and increase the two that decrease.
To begin with let me dispense of the time expanders that tend to decrease over time. The making love one requires a willing party, so modern medicine is of no help to me. Concerning competition, at my age it has been reduced to one word, it is a powerful word, unfortunately it is not in my vocabulary. The word is golf. Golf is so much more than just competition, it is the social sun, the center of the aging universe. I am once again left in the dark vastness of the lonely. This is sad because given the circumstances there is no reason for me to explain how they expand time. One of you lucky, popular, in-crowd people can do that.
So that leaves me with boredom, fear, and pain, oh my. I will start with fear, we don’t have to be in danger to be afraid. There are many things we can fear and they all have to do with what might happen. They may be informed by experience, but prior knowledge isn’t necessary. All that is required is a realistic view of the future. It is not only possible, but probable that we have at some time in the past and will again in the future, experience significant pain. I am not talking about the darn, darn pain, but the, this pain killer isn’t working, what do you mean you got nothing stronger, this can’t possibly go on, please take me now pain. You should be scared. It most likely will end badly. That is why I choose self-delusion, I try not to think about it and when I do, I tell myself that won’t happen to me. Hey, it worked with smoking, well, until I got throat cancer. If you think back to a time when you were afraid or in pain, then you know how interminable time can be. It seems that fear and pain have a symbiotic relationship. Isn’t it great how things work together.
I fear something I am not sure anyone else does. I fear boredom. When you are bored, minutes seems to swell and previous short time spans can seem too wide to traverse. Once you finally cross, there is nothing on the other side. It can feel that way. It is true that there is a certain point you reach when the only thing on the other side is the great beyond. I have seen people who are disinterested, hollow, suffering soul sapping boredom. They have lost their reason for living and dying by inches. I fear that, I am not that tough, I can’t imagine enduring that. On a brighter note, there is far more to entertain ourselves from a room or a chair than ever before. In the end, it is always a matter of focusing on what you can do. I stopped posting for a while in an attempted to find mental health, but it still eludes me. I looked for it in some of the bottles they gave me, it wasn’t in there. So in the absence of some pharmaceutical genie, I will stay close to my friends and the people in our little church and start blogging again.

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