Gone Pig

A Memoir of an Aging Chiefs Fan in Prime Time

It is Christmas Eve day, I am having coffee and recovering from another primetime loss. Nobody loses in a more entertaining fashion than our Chiefs. My first thought is thanks “Me Too” for the loss of Kareem Hunt. Those disputes should either be limited to politics, entertainment, (football is a religion in KC) the corporate world or at the very least the off season. It is not my desire to offend anyone. Let it be known I would have been perfectly fine with having a circle of women kick the crap out of him after the season. It also occurs to me letting some of the biggest, strongest guys hit him is not inappropriate. Just take the money. In all seriousness, I understand it is a business, even in college, but I do think there something to be said that the field is the one place in life when nothing matters except what you do there. Simplistic, yes. Naïve and unworkable undoubtedly. I just remember thinking that on the field was the one place when everyone is truly equal. Not in ability cuz I didn’t have any.

Sorry for the rant. What I really wanted to talk about is my reaction to the game. I quit smoking, two years ago, I have greatly limited my consumption of alcoholic, and Marijuana  is still against the law in Missouri. I am not sure if those were contributing factors to what happened or not. I released my inner pig. I did not passively snack on sausage and cheese, I devoured it. I then promptly moved on to  cookies, chocolate & almond covered pretzels, eclairs and swallowed with an aggression suited only for competitive sports.  It was ugly, it was a case of  piggy gone wild. Visible bloated and miserable I wondered if solace could be found in one more bite.

 

Why Sad

Turns out I want to feel close to someone. Human touch. It is not that I am under-going the sudden change of emotional fortunes of  younger days; instead I am to fading away with time. I still love and want to be love. I want to hope and laugh. I want to rise and smile with the light of the day. thumbnail_fullsizerender

Missing the Mark

To be open is not without risk. You might think after revealing yourself in pain and fear there would be a type of immunity develop. There is, but it is not all-inclusive. The vulnerability lies in thinking your efforts will elicit a specific response. That your depth of feeling will be recognized and appreciated.IMG_0251 You work long and give it much thought to make it worthy of what you believe is a special relationship. When it is politely dismissed, there is an emptiness that ensues born of confusion and embarrassment. Think I’ll eat a worm.